18 Ridiculous Things Parents Say to their Children

18 Ridiculous Things Parents Say to their Children.

Here’s a list of some things parents say to their kids that run the gamut of harmful, to useless, to funny, to plain dumb. Despite the fact that we heard some of these words from our parents, and thought they were ridiculous, they have made their way into our lexicon.

  1. “Money doesn’t grow on trees”

Yes, we know that, and most kids know that too. The cliché has definitely reached its expiration date. If something is too expensive, just say that its too expensive. New times need new idioms.

2.“I’m saying this for your own good”

As long as they are not feeling good about it, its not doing them any good.

3.“You’ve got to toughen up”

If you have a sensitive child, see it as a gift. We could use a little more empathy, emotion, and tenderness in the world.

4.“How many times do I have to tell you?”

Apparently one more!                                                                                            

5.“Finish the food on your plate. There are people starving in the world”.

A guilt trip doesn’t provide food for the impoverished. “Even though you don’t love it, take a few more bites, we’re blessed to have this meal”, is a better choice of words.

6.“You will know what life is when I die”

Please do share your ideas while you are alive. Wouldn’t it be a little scary to hear from you, once you’re dead!

Telling children how their behaviour affects your health, puts a big burden on little hearts.

7.“Back in the day…”, “In our times” … “when we were your age”

They don’t care. Stories of your struggle- real or fiction- were yours and are just that for the children- stories!

8.“Go ask the father”

You are passing the buck, don’t want to take any responsibility or decisions yourself, and you control the dad too? What if it backfires and the dad says yes?

9.“You can do much better than this.”

Perfection is never the goal, progress is. Progress is progress no matter how little or how slow. Always discuss the process with the child and never the end or result of a situation. What they’ve done is good. What did they enjoy most… would they like to do it any differently next time… are some questions you could address.

10.“Because I said so.”

Guilty of saying this several times myself… while I want my kids to respect my authority, expecting blind obedience will just lead to a power struggle.

Ultimately, are we trying to raise an obedient child or a responsible one?

11.“Go to your room.”

Is that a punishment? Isn’t the child’s room meant to be his/her happy place of peace and comfort? Or are you short of ideas and just being rude.

12.“Netflix has to go.”

I mean are you sure? Like really sure? The pandemic seems like its happy and here for a while! Think. Respond. Don’t react.

13.“Don’t make me count till three?”

Why tempt them, just start counting.

14.“I hope your kids turn out just like you.”

Telling your kids that they are a pain and that you want them to know that, may not help. I’d rather find my calm. 

15.“By your age, we used to…”

Are you actually admitting that your parents did a better job of raising you, than you are doing?

16.“We can discuss this when you are older.”

If they are asking about it now, you need to discuss it now before they learn about it from someone else. There are age appropriate ways to cover most topics.

17.“If you live under my roof, you are going to follow my rules.”

Part-empty threat, part-authoritarian, this one just puts up a wall between you and your child. In the bid to control, you just snapped a connection with your child. No connection, no control.

18.“I am going to trash that phone” 

Not such a good idea and not a great choice of words. With everything you say and do, you are showing them how to deal with a moment of rage. Calm is the balm. Fighting fire with fire is not the solution ever.

ASK YOU CHILD…

“What’s something I say to you that you think is silly?”

Go ahead. Ask your kids. And do post us a comment if they share something funny, or if you recall something ridiculous you ever heard. Carry on parenting, not all jobs have tangible rewards.

Here to hear you

Rohini

Counsellor, Talk Child.

Guidance and Counselling in Child Development and Parenting

Your Child doesn’t need a counsellor… they need you.

Before you begin to discuss your child’s behaviour, check yourself on the following:

1. Do you listen to your child ever? Enough?

2. Are your conversations,
    • constant questions to the child?
    • unidirectional – only you are talking, advising, lecturing, instructing, directing.

3. Do you tell lies to other people (hide information or not speak the truth) in front of your child?

4. Do you tell lies to the child? (make promises and not keep them)

5. Do you tutor the child in their responses to friends, family and other adults in their world – what to talk, not to talk, or ask them to block their grandparents, aunts, uncles on social media ?

6. Do you gate crash events for fun?

7. Is ‘money talk’ an important part of your discussions at home? Do you discuss your discontent or aspirations around collecting and spending money often?

8. Are your conversations at family time, all about material possessions?

9. Do you speak to your staff in a loud and impolite tone of voice, often disregarding or disrespecting them?

10. Is your tone of voice loud, curt and demanding with family members at home?

11. Do you complain about your life and communicate your unhappiness to your child?

12. Do you consider the birth of your child the reason for your inability to live your dreams or succeed in life? Do you share this with or infront of your children?

13. Do you compare your kids to other children within or outside the family?

14. Do you compare your lifestyle to other people’s ?

15. Is your couple relationship (relationship to the child’s other parent) conflicting or laden with hidden contempt and unhappiness?

Children’s behaviour is either a reflection of your behaviour or an act of resistance and defiance. Your child doesn’t need a counsellor.You may be the one who needs to see the counsellor. They need YOU. They need YOU to do the right things for YOURSELF

Here to hear you.

Rohini

Counsellor.

Guidance & Counselling in Child Development and Parenting

 

 

 

Motherhood – the art in my he’art’!

8 a.m 3rd October 2002 – Getting ready for a check up with the gynaecologist. I’m 5 days away from the EDD (expected date of delivery). Talking about delivering a baby here. My first one.

9.30 a.m. “Hope your bag is ready?” asked the doctor.”Go back home, get your things and get admitted. The baby is ready to arrive. If we wait for it (the gender of the baby is a secret in India) to grow more, a normal delivery might be hard to achieve. We will induce labour”, announced the doctor. 

My live and life-long project was about to take off.

12 p.m. You don’t want to know the rest.

There is a reason why the delivery of a baby is called labour. It’s a warning for what lies ahead.

The baby was born at noon the next day on 4th october and is celebrating her 18th birthday this year!

When Tattoos were trending

You are promised the ‘glowing’ with babies, but there is only ‘slowing’ and ‘growing’ (in size). The first baby is a nightmare, a delight, a miracle and magic all at once. And a struggle forever.

You’ve had the time to prepare yourself with all the books there are, with enough attention and advise, yet lacking in the experience and ‘mind muscle’ to tackle the little cooing and gurgling machine, every minute of the day for months to come.

 It takes just about a few weeks to throw those books on childcare somewhere in the corner, to collect dust never to be seen again!

The cooing-gurgling machine

Everything first in her life is a first for you as a mum. You see the baby as an extension of yourself. The umbilical is always attached. It takes another baby, and a few varied experiences to alter your ideas around mothering and you begin to see the child as a separate being.

I can bathe myself

You slowly learn how not to cry when she cries, how not to whine when a tantrum happens; how her play is her work, her performance and grades are hers, and not yours; how growing up is what she has to go through and you cannot make it magical or pain free.

All you can do is Be there, remain calm, show up at every single moment the child needs you and be your real imperfect self. The prowess you require is a heart full of love and commitment.

Things begin to get peaceful when you allow the child to lead the way, to lead you.

Riding a dinosaur

Children have oodles to explore and discover, a great deal to share with and show you. You merely have to allow them to experience life, sit around and listen. Listen with patience. Listen to understand. Listen to believe them. Listen without interrupting or commenting.

Time teaches you when to push them, and when to back off; when to help them and when to let them make mistakes; when to talk and when to just listen; how to begin loosening the cord and eventually find the strength to let them go.

One of the Kangaroo Kids – first school!

They say that time moves in a straight line, but in fact it circles ! And it circles just too fast! Here I remember turning eighteen and someone comes along to remind you,”that was decades ago!”

Parenting is perhaps the most back- breaking, soul-wrenching, neck-aching, and myth-shattering job I have ever done. It is also one of the most heart-throbbing, love-filling, mind-stretching, strengthening & self-esteem building role a human could ever play.

It can take months, years, perhaps a lifetime to find peace in your parenting experience – truly an experiment at every stage and every single day. When you’ve learnt to tackle your ducklings at A stage, they’ve moved on to the next!

You find parenting hard, because it is hard, not because you are a bad parent. You are raising a human baby after all.

As a species, humans are incredibly smart. Human intelligence however comes with a curious caveat- our babies are among the most helpless at birth.

A baby giraffe can stand within an hour of birth, and can even potentially flee predators on its first day of life. A baby monkey can grasp its mother and hang on for protection and nourishment. A human infant can’t even hold up its own head.

Humans belong to the subset of mammals, called viviparous mammals, that give live birth to their young. This means that infants must grow to a mature enough state inside the body to be born, but they can’t be so big that they are unable to come out. This leads to a trade off — the more intelligent an animal is, the larger its head generally is, but in humans the birth canal imposes an upper limit on just how large that head can be before it gets stuck. The brain, therefore, must keep maturing, and the head must continue growing, long after birth. The more intelligent an animal will eventually be, the more relatively immature its brain is at birth – something I learnt along the way, that explained why parenting the human baby is so tough and why new mums look like they’ve been shot out of a cannon! 

As children mature, they teach you life’s greatest lessons. Children are the greatest gurus. They make you a better person. Better you in every way. They help you to move ahead by compelling you to draw on your strengths, as you chase their amazing pace of growth.

Mothering cannot be taught. Motherhood is your journey. It has to be lived. Its your unique story. You write it. Wrong it. Right it. 

Here to hear ♡ your story,

Rohini – Counsellor

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

For my young lady who turns 18 on 4 October 2020:

Happy 18th my brightness, my paradise, my story teller; my chaos & my calm, the spontaneous to my plans, my baby with bright curious eyes and no sleep in them, grown up to be a sincere and compassionate young lady.

Live in lifelong curiosity – to hunger for knowledge and to thirst for experience.

Remain as kind and generous as you are

and make a palpable difference to the lives you cross.

Believe in yourself and the power of the tiniest contributions.

Overcome challenges with intelligence and grace.

Believe in the power of “will try again” and “next time”.

Go hunting when you’re hungry and be big enough to share the catch when you make it.

Forever the ‘art’ in my he’art’.

My brightness. My Tvisha.

Love, Mamma.

 

 

 

 

 

Why speak to a counsellor, when you can use your problems to punish everyone around you! 😊

In life’s struggle to become Ben Franklin’s healthy-wealthy-and-wise (or was it Aristotle’s), I realized after much deliberation that it’s rather straightforward to become healthy, over wealthy or wise.

In the absence of wisdom teeth, being wise is not a privilege I enjoy. My first ever visit to the dentist at age 39 and a quick x-ray revealed absolutely no signs of any “wisdom” sprouting through my jaws. 

Apparently, wisdom teeth have lost their significance in evolution and will slowly disappear from all human jaws, just like the tail bone vanished.

Anthropologists believe wisdom teeth, or the third set of molars, were the evolutionary answer to our ancestor’s early diet of coarse, rough food – like leaves, roots, nuts and meats – which required more chewing power.
The modern diet along with marvels of modern technologies such as forks and spoons has made the need for wisdom teeth nonexistent. As a result, evolutionary biologists now classify wisdom teeth as vestigial organs, or body parts that have become functionless due to evolution.

So 28 teeth is all that I was destined to live with ! It wasn’t until now, at age 44 (after one horrible tooth extraction, antibiotics, probiotics, painkillers, and weeks of curd rice, mashed potato, ripe banana, and other soupy mushy mashy food) that I realised that 28 teeth was the luxury figure I was starting out with! My current status is one husband, 2 kids and 27 teeth!

The Wealthy bit- Teeth or no teeth and no matter your skin colour- black, white, or brown, if you have the green, blue, pink and orange stuff in your wallet, you can walk around looking wise and pose as you please! The only other thing that comes close to the herculean task of birthing, parenting and bringing up kids is earning the coloured banknotes !
This is especially hard for counsellors in our country where mental health and health are not part of the same discussion, mental health being the illicit part of health and mental illness for the most part, a family secret. It’s more likely that you will die of the fright of being stigmatised, or fear of being called crazy, depressive, neurotic, psychotic, rather than the illness itself. I mean why go for therapy and discuss matters with a stranger, when you can use your problems to punish everyone around you! So therapists and counsellors are definitely not the wealthiest people around.

Therefore the inference, that becoming healthy is actually the simplestofthe three virtues (reference healthy-wealthy-and-wise).

Eating well, eating right- the fruits, the beans and the greens; walking, cycling, hopping, jumping if you like, flexing the bones and muscles enough to keep them supple and working; spending time in nature,  breathing well, talking to friends, cracking jokes about your family or cracking up with them, laughing at life’s absurdities, smiling often, singing, resting well, sleeping enough, seems like something I have more power to control. 

If you are a balanced package of  healthy wealthy and wise, its impressive. If you aren’t feeling particularly effective in any of the three aspects, you can always be a bad example for someone or perhaps an inspiration for your little people, so they can master the early-to-bed-early-to-rise way of being. Go ahead inspire the young, while I get back to counselling sessions to hear stories of the wealthy and the wise.

Here to hear you♡

Rohini

About Talk Child – this is what happens when babies don’t kill you !

The counselling room

 

Hello I’m the counsellor at Talk Child.
I’m honoured that you’re taking time to read this.

Talk Child is one of my three babies. It was born two months after my first born. Maybe it was an attempt to keep myself alive as I mothered a little human.

When I had my first child, 17 years ago, I thought my life was over :)! It took me several years to understand that the journey of learning and loving had just begun then. 

An imperfect and exhausted parent who is trying to do a lot of things each day, my endeavour is to remain connected with my children. There are moments when I imagine myself doing great things (imagination is everything, it keeps you going), and then there are times when simply making it through the day is good enough. 

Amidst it all I am still trying to comprehend what it is to be a parent. The identity seems much more vast and enigmatic than anyone would have you believe.

Talk Child is about listening and talking and sharing- moods and feelings, and real stories. 

I spend several hours every week hearing people’s stories and concerns. Most of these people are parents or planning to be parents. I listen to them as they speak about their awfully amazing little people, their fears of failure and aspirations for their children – the “what ifs” and “hows” of parenting. I listen to a myriad of complains against spouses. The stories in counselling sessions are rarely romantic.

Talk Child is about parenting. Understanding children in urban Indian families has been our penchant!

Talk Child offers a space for you to sit comfortably. There is someone to listen to you without judgement and opinion. You are allowed to think about yourself and for yourself, and hopefully be led by the light within you… the light of reason, self-compassion and empathy.

Rocking is relaxing. Rock as you talk!

Talk Child remodelled in the year 2014 from the conventional face to face counselling practice, to an online procedure as well. We listen to you and talk to you online, through video calls too.

A successful counselling session is about establishing a connect. The human mind is complex. We may never penetrate into another mind, despite living with someone for years; while sometimes just a call can establish a therapeutic link.. a warm trustful connect! We appeared on Facebook in 2015 http://www.facebook.com/talkchild

The Thinking Human

Talk Child thrives on the belief that every human child is intelligent and is equipped innately with a set of strengths to grow into a complete accomplished individual. Opportunities need to be presented. Maybe human babies can even create those!

To know more about us and to get in touch for guidance or counselling, you can go to www.talkchild.com 

For Blogs its www.talkchild.wordpress.com

This is what happens when babies don’t kill you! They compel you to drawn on your strengths, chase their amazing pace of growth and move ahead yourself!

Welcome to Talk Child 🙂

 

About Talk Child – this is what happens when babies don’t kill you !

The counselling room

Hello I’m the counsellor at Talk Child.
I’m honoured that you’re taking time to read this.

Talk Child is one of my three babies. It was born two months after my first born. Maybe it was an attempt to keep myself alive as I mothered a little human.

When I had my first child, 17 years ago, I thought my life was over :)! It took me several years to understand that the journey of learning and loving had just begun then.

An imperfect and exhausted parent who is trying to do a lot of things each day, my endeavour is to remain connected with my children. There are moments when I imagine myself doing great things (imagination is everything, it keeps you going), and then there are times when simply making it through the day is good enough.

Amidst it all I am still trying to comprehend what it is to be a parent. The identity seems much more vast and enigmatic than anyone would have you believe.

Fresh Greens make the air pure and clean

Talk Child is about listening and talking and sharing- moods and feelings, and real stories. 

I spend several hours every week hearing people’s stories and concerns. Most of these people are parents or planning to be parents. I listen to them as they speak about their awfully amazing little people, their fears of failure and aspirations for their children – the “what ifs” and “hows” of parenting. I listen to a myriad of complains against spouses. The stories in counselling sessions are rarely romantic.

Talk Child is about parenting. Understanding children in urban Indian families has been our penchant!

Talk Child offers a space for you to sit comfortably. There is someone to listen to you without judgement and opinion. You are allowed to think about yourself and for yourself, and hopefully be led by the light within you… the light of reason, self-compassion and empathy.

 

Rocking is relaxing. Rock as you Talk!

Talk Child remodelled in the year 2014 from the conventional face to face counselling practice, to an online procedure as well. We listen to you and talk to you online, through video calls too.

A successful counselling session is about establishing a connect. The human mind is complex. We may never penetrate into another mind, despite living with someone for years; while sometimes just a call can establish a therapeutic link.. a warm trustful connect! We appeared on Facebook in 2015 http://www.facebook.com/talkchild

20191009_120301
The Thinking Human

Talk Child thrives on the belief that every human child is intelligent and is equipped innately with a set of strengths to grow into a complete accomplished individual. Opportunities need to be presented. Maybe human babies can even create those!

To know more about us and to get in touch for guidance or counselling, you can go to www.talkchild.com

For Blogs its www.talkchild.wordpress.com

This is what happens when babies don’t kill you! They compel you to drawn on your strengths, chase their amazing pace of growth and move ahead yourself!

Welcome to Talk Child 🙂

Rohini Sethi

Consultant Child Development

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IF WITCHES WERE REAL- a true story!

Reading is fabulous. The imagery it creates in little kids can be fantastical. Reading also brings alive the past – the lived and the long forgotten past.
Reading “The witches”, by Roald Dahl, with my nine year old (my second born) this summer, took me back in time.

The year was 2005. The month was May and the story that follows is a witchy one.. the only witchy encounter I ever had!

I had just moved to Bangalore.
My husband had leased a cosy apartment for us, which was home for the next 3 years. The apartment had a fresh paint smell, polished marble floors, neatly finished teak wood fixtures, a warm little dinning room with a beautiful sit out – a balcony.

A huge mango tree fenced around the balcony of this first floor apartment. The mango tree was an absolute beauty. Its strong branches and leaves rustled in the breeze. It gracefully dropped a large part of its branches into the cosy sit out.

The enormous tree cut the sunlight and made the apartment quite dark on cloudy days. Bangalore can be cloudy for a large part of the year.

The three storeyed building belonged to a renowned family of central Bangalore, who converted their large family bungalows into apartments. This description of the flat by my husband has remained with me. He has been a lover of homes ever since I’ve known him.

This particular one was finalised after a wide search of homes to arrive at a stylish yet affordable space, in the centre of Bangalore, a city which was gaining momentum in more ways than one.

The landlady, Ms. Seher, lived in an apartment across ours on the same floor. “We’ve spent so much to meet your requirements”, was the first thing she told me when I met her, even before the hello!

“Your husband was so particular about renting a new place..we spent over a lakh to paint, polish and clean it..”, she went on…. my attention not on what she spoke but on how she spoke, and even more, on the way she looked – cold and pale, with light glassy eyes. I could almost see through the iris and pupil, into the depth of her eyes.

Her skin was wrinkled in severe detail. It had a translucent look to it. Her eyebrows were arty, thin and precisely drawn out with a brow pencil.

She had large bony hands with pointed nails, painted a bright red, filed to maintain a sharp tip. She tapped her hands on my shoulders as she spoke. My attention swayed with her fingers fearing I might get poked!

I was also worried she might hurt my kid (my first born, age 3 years) in an attempt to pull her cheeks.. as some adults do, to show their affection.
She noticed how distracted I looked when she spoke. “You look stressed dear.. don’t you like the new home.. we have spent so much on it to renovate it.. hope you don’t move out too quickly like the previous tenants after messing up the walls and bathrooms.. don’t you like Bangalore?”, she asked.

While in fact my wonder had less to do with my settlement and more to do with the peculiar appearance and queer mannerisms of the landlady.

Our first meeting ended with,”I can smell kids”. That statement was enough to scare any kid. “.. I can see you have a very quiet and shy little one..hello there”. And my three year old curled into my legs. She was anyways always between them ever since she was born!

The “smelling kids” story continued, “I worked as a school teacher for over 35 years and retired a few years back..”, Ms. Seher proudly shared.

“Oh, how lovely”, I smiled! (Gosh.. the poor school kids, how scared they must be of you I thought!)
“Lovely, it was..”, she continued,”when Bangalore was quiet and we walked or cycled to school. The city had fresh air, children were respectful, scared of teachers and obedient.

Now the city is noisy and crowded.. it’s hard to walk around with so much traffic and pollution.. Richmond town isn’t how it was.. the children are spoilt brats with no values and parents are too busy to teach them any. Bangalore is getting warmer, we barely had homes with fans.. now we need fans all summer.”
“Fans is great”, I said, “considering the rest of our country is scorching away in May”.
“I’m happy to be home and retired.. but Sheela still has a few years of service left.”

(Now whose Sheela?? I thought. Not another strange and scary neighbour, I hope!)
“Sheela is my friend and flatmate.. we’ve been friends for years and worked in the same school.. you’ll see her in the evening sometimes”, she elaborated even before I asked, almost reading my mind or expressions maybe.

We made a couple of trips to the home to settle our stuff, before moving in, but never met Ms.Seher or her friend Sheela.
On one such luggage dumping trip I bumped into a frail old lady. ” Hello are you Sheela? Seher’s friend ? we are your new neighbours”, I greeted her enthusiastically. The lady looked at me and said, “I know, I am Seher’s sister, I live on the ground floor and don’t ever call me Sheela again!”. She mumbled something in her mind and mouth and walked away. Not sure if I meant to have heard it or not.

That night I shared that meeting with my husband and he said Sheela was just a bit loud and slightly rude, so she must be unpopular with Ms.Seher’s family. And how did it matter to us, he said. It didn’t matter at all. It just got me more curious about Ms.Seher, Sheela and our intriguing new neighbourhood!
Meanwhile, my kid-with-a-mind, told us that if any of the scary aunties asked about her, we should tell them that she is asleep!

Interestingly, the ladies avoided us, lest we ask for some more repairs or polishing. They were far from the prying neighbours we thought they would be.They were rather inconspicuous – unseen and unheard. The silence on our floor was uncanny.

In fact Ms.Seher did not even recognise me on one occasion. This was soon after we had moved into her apartment. “I’m having trouble with a tap.. could I have the plumber’s number please”, I requested one day. She opened the door just enough so I could see her glassy eyes… shimmering in the dark home, with no lights switched on.

She stared at me for a few seconds, like she didn’t know who I was and just when I was about to get lost into the depth of her iris and pupil, she replied curtly, “The Wimbledon is about to begin dear, please.. I don’t like any disturbance during the match”, and she shut the door.

There is always a first time for things.That really was the first time someone had shut a door on my face!

We met Sheela next. And how!

I opened the door of the flat one evening to step out and screamed with shock. I saw this large lady with black kohled eyes, standing outside the door. “Hello, why are you so scared? I was just seeing this blue charm hanging at your door, it caught my attention. We haven’t met, I’m Sheela”. Godd.. I almost fainted with the shock of the situation.. someone standing like that at my doorstep.
“Hello”, was all I said.
“Where did you get this, its quite attractive!”, she asked.
“My mother sent it. Its the Turkish evil eye”, I replied.

“Do you believe in nazar (the evil eye) and all that? I didn’t think young people like you would”, she laughed.
“Never really thought about it..”, I smiled.
“We just decorated it for its beauty.. but I’m sure someone must have believed in the evil to have invented it!”, I laughed with her.

Sheela reminded me of the Patriarch in traditional families- the head of the unit, curt and firm, authoritative, who went to work and whose word was final!
I also unscrambled why Seher’s sisters didn’t approve of Sheela and were rather unhappy about their sister’s happy connection with her!

On day four came in Shanu, a very enthusiastic domestic help. She rattled away the names of all the north Indian food she could cook at a self-initiated interview.

“Aap dilli se aaye ho(are you from delhi)..”, she asked.”Hyderabad se”, I said, to avoid getting too pally!

“Mujhe rajma chawal, dal makhani, palak paneer sab banana aata hai “, she insisted on pleasing the north Indian she assessed I was.

Wary of her enthusiasm, I still decided to give her the job of the house maid, thinking about the boxes left to unpack and a home to set up.

Shanu was caught pinching stuff in the house one day and I gently asked her to leave. Little did I know who else I was upsetting besides Shanu.
“Why did you turn her out?”, bang-bang came in Sheela… shouting and furious that evening. “Well, I caught her stealing.. so didn’t have much of a choice there”, I said.
“But she did all our work too.. and now she won’t come to our place either! We find it very hard to find maids.. Seher doesn’t like too many of them and now see how tough you’ve made it for us, by turning her out!”, she ranted rudely.

“You can keep her for as long as like.. or until you find her stealing something”, I said sarcastically. “Whats the big deal..they are all thieves.. you keep an eye on her.. atleast she cooked and cleaned well.. how are we going to manage now?”, fumed Sheela.
“I have to go to school..and Seher is so ..so.. forget it.. you won’t understand.. send me the next lady you hire. No one comes to our place otherwise”, she fumed and walked away.
“I wonder why” I thought aloud.. “because they are so scary”, affirmed my kid-with-a-mind!

We enjoyed settling in the quaint building. We occasionally bumped into Sheela but barely ever saw Ms. Seher.
One stormy evening, around 5.30pm, it was pouring fiercely.. so we couldn’t step out of the house for our usual park outing. Enjoying the rain and my tea in the balcony, my daughter and I spotted a beautiful white Owl on the Mango tree. It perched firmly on one big branch of the tree, so close to where we sat. Wow and wow again, we were fascinated by the beautiful visitor.
That was the first time I had seen a white owl and we excitedly clicked pictures of it and watched it for the next hour. The owl wouldn’t fly till it was dark and we didn’t want to miss any moment of this rare sighting.

The rain got fiercer in the next hour and as soon as it turned dark… the beautiful white visitor flew away.

After a few days we bumped into Sheela locking the door of her flat, looking very sad and lacking her usual dominant energy. She wore no kajal and her eyes were swollen, like she had cried. “Hi Sheela.. how are you and hows Ms.Seher.. we barely ever see her.”

Seher left last week. “Left for?”, I asked hastily. “Seher is no more, she passed away.. my dear friend and partner for life, my only support and family… “, she spoke very sadly and teary eyed.
Astonished at what she said, “but.. but..we were here all the time.. when did she pass away.. and how come we didn’t hear from anyone else about it.. in the building I mean.. or hear any sound.. “, I asked ghastly!
“Last week.. that evening when it was raining heavily.. she breathed her last around 6pm”, she shared sadly and stepped down the stairs without talking anymore. “She was very particular about her privacy.. and her secrets”, she muttered as she walked down.
“Now you are my only company and support.. I will see you when I return after my prayers”, she said with her back to us.
My kid ran into the house first and I followed her and locked the door tight!”
“Mumma I don’t want you to be aunty’s friend.. okay?”, insisted my three year old.

“In fairytales, witches wear black hats and fly on broomsticks…
Real witches dress in ordinary clothes and look very much like ordinary women. They live in ordinary houses and they work in ordinary jobs” – Roald Dahl

“And they vanish..
just like that..
Without a whimper or sound on fiercely stormy and rainy evenings.. while we sipped our tea and watched the mango tree“, is what we believed.

Rohini Sethi                                                                                                                                          

Child Development Consultant        

https://in.linkedin.com/in/rohini-sethi-32715247

Life is hard, growing up is painful – the body aches and the heart breaks !

Growing up is painful.

Tiny humans arrive painfully through the mother’s womb.
Nothing is easy even after that miraculous arrival. Little babies cry with aching gums when they are cutting teeth. Their legs ache when they begin to walk.

They have their first heartbreak when they step into the unfamiliar, that first school.. fearful and insecure about leaving their homes and caregivers.

Its hard for the two year olds, when no one understands their babble or what they want; while teenagers grumble when adults misinterpret their moods and jargon.

The young teens imagine themselves as being on stage.. conscious, guarded, oversensitive and touchy sometimes.. its not easy to handle an audience after all. They imagine so many eyes peering at their face and skin and hair and discussing their height and how thin or ‘thick’ they are!

Seventeen year olds think their life is probably the worst… so much to do, so little time and truck loads of expectations, hearts to nurture and mend sometimes.. its a hard life!

The mothers of all these kids claim that they have the hardest days of all, while the Grandmother says she wants to die… her life being unworthy of living anymore – nothing to do, no one to talk to, with declining support from the once treasured physicality – the body!

The fathers, well, who has the time for their peeves, is what they claim to suffer!

Life is hard.
It’s hard when you are 5… It’s hard when you are 15. It is also hard when you are 45 and 65 and 75 and older, I suppose. Doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. It also doesn’t mean you are the target or the prey.

You are just like everybody else. Its hard for everyone.

Every age is differently challenging. . each day is a new find, a new block !
You can never be practiced enough for it!

What is constant is the stuff within – the  purpose and passion you live, and love with; your integrity; your belief in yourself; and the trust in the people around you.

Talking about easing the hard, well,

-Listening lots and speaking lots more seems to work for me.

-Loving immensely and unconditionally is fulfilling.
-Finding the funny in people and situations – laughing lots at myself and at life’s absurdities keeps me going.
-Expressing disappointments – about people and things- yet forgiving (sometimes) and moving on (almost always), adds to the peace!
-Living purposefully & trying new things, distracts you from the stress!

Life is about experimenting.. its about trials and errors.. it’s about moving ahead with belief and confidence.

Let all kinds of days happen to you.

I don’t see a way out of the hard! No promises of things being easy peasy lemon squeezy !

Hard it is and hard it will remain!

 

 

Rohini Sethi                                                                                                                                          

Child Development Consultant        

https://in.linkedin.com/in/rohini-sethi-32715247

 

Making Peace With Imperfections

I’m often accused of talking too much about myself.

This embarrassed me immensely when I was younger. As I grew older, I started receiving the ‘compliment’ with a pinch-of-salt. Beginning to accept it as a personal folly now and sincerely laugh along with those who find it funny. I call it a partnership laugh. Sometimes even that isn’t received well! Partnership laughs are rare, as rare as true love!

Jokes are never really common ground. They offend far more than they amuse, is my latest and greatest, age-related learning. Age-related learning is sometimes called wisdom and maturity. I prefer to use age related learning though, fearing more comments on my wisdom and maturity. Someone actually said this to me once, “both your kids seem more mature than you. ha-ha!”. Wasn’t quite sure if that was a compliment or just another ha-ha. I just took it as a parenting skills compliment and forgot all about it.

But what has remained constant is that I talk about myself, choosing it over talking about anyone else!

Talking about the weather is second on my list. Whenever there is silence, I talk about the weather, especially when its getting cold. I love the chill! Maybe because I grew up in a desert… so warm is home, while cold is a treat, something like a party, a total mood mender! People usually look forward to stuff that isn’t home and is not easily available. The distant, the far and the unattainable is always more attractive than what lies inside or beside us.

Still discovering the special that lies within; meanwhile, here’s a list of some imperfections I am learning to make peace with:

  1. It feels like a jet lag to be nice – to everyone, all the time and everyday- now these are three different things to me!
  2. Find it exhausting to be motherly perfect, socially and financially productive, equally so, on all days of the week.
  3. The hair, the face and the clothes are never in happy harmony… ever! One of them is always rebelling.
  4. Humour is cathartic, so I’ve always believed. Amusing myself keeps me going yet it can be socially catastrophic when you are seriously letting out!
  5. I push doors that say “pull”!
  6. I like nonsense. Lots of it!
  7. Reacting often, and speaking faster than I think, is definitely a weakness.
  8. Sharing too much and overly communicating, and probably expecting the same, can be a huge problem.
  9. Being patient for really long and bursting just when its most important to be calm, is a sure shortfall.
  10. Distancing myself from people who are boring and whose kitchens and washrooms aren’t clean (not good enough reasons to alienate I am told!), is yet another personal deficiency.

Listing your imperfections is probably just a tiny beginning to knowing yourself better. The list can go on and on.

Making peace with your imperfections is about accepting your flaws and follies. It is also about understanding that even the drop dead gorgeous and the fabulous have good and bad days, and so can I! More importantly its about presenting yourself as perfectly imperfect to your little people.

When someone you look up to, like your mum and dad, can be imperfect, so can you!

When stress to be perfect eases, we begin to perform and progress!

To laugh at peers or to laugh at children’s fears is not helpful. Showing kids to laugh at life’s absurdities, mistakes and oneself is the kind of humour that helps us to heal and deal with the world. When shortfalls are celebrated and mistakes are enjoyed, they cease to be a problem.

Children ought to grow with the idea that mothers are not machines, fathers are not formulas and people are not perfect… that will make them more forgiving towards themselves too.

I’m learning to make peace with my imperfections… would love to know if some of you are too… just so I feel normal :)) !

 

Rohini Sethi                                                                                                                                          

Child Development Consultant        

https://in.linkedin.com/in/rohini-sethi-32715247

 

 

 

OckyPocky – Purposeful Play And Playful Purpose

The mesh and maze of everyday struggles are making it increasingly hard for parents to make choices for their kids. Today’s child is a very interesting being. Children are born into and live amidst an explosion of information overload; are overprotected and over expected of, have less time and more to do!

Conversing with technology comes naturally to most kids. If you don’t hand them a device gently enough, it will be begged for, borrowed or snatched, acquired and twiddled with anyways! It is a part of their era and how!

When I was first approached by OckyPocky to share my independent views on the kids’ application, what really excited me about the application was that it encourages purposeful play and playful purpose. The application is easy to use, repeatedly so, without the fear of an overdose or harm of going off limits into unknown arenas. It allows children to thrive and learn in a fun-filled way. The stories, rhymes and activities are delightful, purposeful, meaningful… Like little gems!

OckyPocky achieves a balance between onscreen and off screenplay, which is really important. So the child can learn the activities on screen, download to keep them available and try them out with the adults around, allowing the child to be social, engage in physical play, interact and be creative all at once! The team of professionals at OckyPocky is driven by the keenness to evolve and improve… always listening to what parents and children have to say about them. They are continuously play-testing to refine the app.

Kids educational applications are beneficial for the adults in the child’s life too- those who interact, play and learn alongside. How lost we would be if we didn’t have a nice little story to share with our little one, after a rough and busy day at work or if we couldn’t sing along with what our child was enjoying!

I would describe OckyPocky as nutrition in a capsule. Here, by nutrition I mean, brain food- food for the child’s cognition.

When a child begins to move independently, she starts looking for brain food; it’s the greatest need of any human baby to grow cognitively. Handing a child a smart device loaded with child-centric visuals and healthy voices of expert storytellers is important.

Education today is about learning to act in the real world – the world of screens, click, touch and tap! It is about technology that guides, enables the child, entertains, is safe, occupies and engages all at once!

Handing over the right device, at the right age, loaded with the right stuff in it, is really the need of the hour. Smart devices are almost like windows to the world. It would be a lie if I said that I could work without one or otherwise manage! While handing out a device without a child centric, safe area, a play-learn-grow enclosure is almost like having access to a loaded weapon!

Find out more about the app by visiting www.ockypocky.com

Rohini Sethi      

Talkchild.com                                                                                                                                 

Child Development Consultant

https://in.linkedin.com/in/rohini-sethi-32715247